“It took almost a decade for me to realize that I am a gender-fluid person.
Currently, I live in an independent space and work from home, enjoying the space that my privileged background afforded me. I studied for my master’s degree in Sweden between 2010 to 2013, where I gained new perspectives on life. Since the beginning, my family, though not highly educated, provided me with the freedom to make my own decisions.
In Sweden, I befriended a guy who gave me perspectives to re-establish my rational and political thinking. Gradually, I adopted a rationalist mindset with a Dravidian angle, embracing a progressive, liberal, and people-centric social ideology. I also transformed myself from a hard-core atheist to a soft atheist, acknowledged my caste and class privileges, and started indulging in more and more conversations on social justice. My social and political perspectives evolved every day.
When it comes to relationships, I had a girlfriend during my schooling. Later, I dated a male partner for more than a decade. Gradually, the relationship was fraught with significant issues related to sexuality, gender, and politics. On the other hand, I questioned my femininity. Over time, I realized I am a gender-fluid person and am not truly attracted to men.
Reflecting on these for about 2 years, I realized that I am emotionally and physically drawn to women. Thus, I had to announce a breakup to my male partner, the reality that he couldn’t accept. At the same time, I reconnected with a woman I knew years ago, and became friends. We quickly fell in love, but she struggled to break the social construct and accept me as her long-term partner. Balancing my feelings for her and my responsibility to support him during the grieving phase became challenging. I sought therapy from a gender-inclusive therapist who supported me on how to let go of a relationship that doesn’t work and how to empathize with the other person and prioritize my needs at the same time. Ultimately, I had to let go of both relationships to find peace.
Then, it took me a good number of months to settle down, and I finally decided to look for a female companion for a long-term partnership. I joined dating apps and eventually found the love of my life a few months ago. She has kids, and we are starting our lives together soon. I have learned that relationships are everyday Work, and I am genuinely working every day to build and rebuild my relationship with my girlfriend.
Life is a journey of self-discovery, and it’s crucial to find peace and understand who you are. I’ve taken my time at every stage of my life to digest and accept my reality and convince myself to stick to what I love without compromise. I completely believe I am responsible for my choices and have never ever blamed anyone else so far. I was happy yesterday, am happy now, and am confident I will be happy tomorrow.”