“The only phase which drove me through my childhood was the traumatic phase.
My mom and dad were separated a decade and a half back. Back then, I was incapable of understanding what was happening around me. Nobody helped me or came forward to advise me on what was right or wrong. Due to the lack of emotional support, I was distressed and disappointed. I evidently fixed my mind that my life was the unluckiest one. People ignored me because I was too sensitive and would start crying for any small reason.
I was a gloomy and dull kid and had no friends because I had so much negativity and trust issues. Consequently, I failed to focus on my academics. I was mentally and physically exhausted to continue protecting myself from my mom, who kept harassing me physically and mentally.
The problem was not about their separation but the way I was treated by my parents. Both lacked love towards me and managed to be rude all the time, irrespective of how young I was.
My parents thought marriage would be right choice to get rid of me.
I joined a dental course, due to the compulsion, but neither completed it nor had the interest to take an attempt. Somedays, I had been pushed into a situation where I desired to end my life. My puppies have helped me recover from all these suicidal thoughts. I chose pets rather than humans. There were attempts and hits which I had undergone by myself, but now that I had come to a stage where I value my life more than anything.
Imagine in a world where there are billions of people, your mom and dad are alive but still, there is not even a person to love you or care for you – that was my situation till a couple of years back.
I broke down heavily but stood up strongly!
With amazing people around me like Malini Akka, Anand, Deepika, Saathvika and lots more, I was able to make up to where I am today.
I’m a Producer and Anchor at IBC Tamil now.
Having had very less experience in media, I was able to make friends with a lot of souls, which gave me the confidence, freedom and hope to live and enjoy my life even more better.
I realised that I was bestowed with an awesome life and it took me years to explore the real me.
However, at times, I still remember the moments where I was hit so hard. I still hold on to some insecurities but I know that those will also keep vanishing when time travels.
It’s okay to feel not okay, it’s okay to be dull, it’s okay to CRY, it’s okay to be alone sometimes, it’s okay to over-think; it’s okay to take more self-healing time – everything is okay unless you know that these are for small intervals and act as a break, but not to break you.
I acknowledge my life that I want to live, explore and discover my strengths – make friends, travel, do all positive and crazy things and find out the purpose of my existence.
The moment I realised my worth, everything had become unstoppable!”