“On the 12th of November of the year, 2017, I came out to my parents as a ‘Gay’. It started with some of my classmates catcalling me as a transgender in tamil. But the events that transpired to this started from when I was 12 years old!
I was born to a middle class Brahmin family in Puri which is considered to be one of the holy places in India. Hailing from the small city of Bhubaneswar, I was a care-free, cheerful , studious and happy student.
My first touch with homosexuality happened when I was 12 years old, by a new student who had just joined my class. His touch felt different and sitting in the back bench of our class, I was engrossed by the touch!
As a child who was completely unaware of my biological constitution, I was bullied every single day for my name, for my postures and for who I was. I was bullied and even teased for my name! I was effeminate and used to talk very politely so I was bullied. For a small child , it was just unbearable and I used to complain to my teachers, and somehow it was always my fault! I tried hard to change myself because I was tired of crying and moaning every night for what I was going through.
With parents being middle class, my only goal in life was to get educated! I would never get into fights or raise my voice because I had this constant fear deep down that if my parents came to know about it, I would be condemned for my actions!
But my worst nightmare came true when I got to kiss another guy and the rumour spread through the school! Nature helped me a lot to get through all these, it gave me strength and power to stand still and face this bloody world. I soon started experimenting with boys,and even started to use dating apps to try and see other men!
Years passed and I completed my school and I came to Chennai for my UG studies. And only here did I get to completely understand my sexual orientation! It came with a lot of research and self realisation and a great deal of time to accept myself for who I was since I was all alone and deeply scared to talk about it to anyone!
And suddenly one day , I came out to one of my classmate and he supported me! It was the first time I was getting accepted for who I was and it felt refreshing! And then in the second year of my college I came out to my only roommate and he too accepted the way I am and he even helped me in dating and dressing up! Then that particular year I came out to all my dearest friends and they all accepted me for the person I was and it felt like the greatest achievement of my life!
And then it was inevitable that my parents had to know! I opened up to them with what was followed by an amazing moral support and encouragement! And with them on my side, I opened up to the world!
I am now pursuing my masters in an institution that acknowledges me for what I am! Despite everything that was thrown my way, the one thing I am glad for always is my desire to persevere! It has alone brought me where I am today.”
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